IMG_1202

As you can see, Mr. KP51 RZM feels that parking on double yellow lines on a roundabout (of sorts), blocking a lowered curb to get a sandwich is more important than giving a disabled man on a wheelchair access to the pavement after crossing the road.

This poor chap had to travel in the road in the wrong direction to find a spot where he could safely mount the pavement again. At the same time as well, looking after two small children.

After posting this picture on Facebook, it has grown a large number of abusive comments towards this driver rightfully given to him.

So, if you are reading this, Mr KP51 RZM, I personally hope you choked on your sandwich, and what you did eat gives you such chronic gastroenteritis that the sheer force of the ablution causes your rectum to prolapse. Your laziness endangered a disabled person and two small children.

 

A key safe is by no means safe. With a simple manipulation of the mechanics inside, you can get access to their contents within a couple of minutes.

IMG_1357IMG_6397

 

 

 

 

 

 

The key safe outside my flat is a very popular make based on a generic design from some Chinese company. By applying pressure to the release button and cycling through the keys, the correct buttons will either make a loud click when you press them, or you will feel resistance half way as you push down on it. The incorrect buttons will either not move at all, or will push down all the way without a click or any resistance half way down.

Once you have got all the numbers, click the clear switch, and then type them in. Due to the design of these safes, you dont need to enter them in any particular order. Once entered, you should be able to open it..!

 

So I sent off my email to the ‘bank’ and have had a reply back:

 Personal BankingSmall BusinessCorporate BankingHelpContact UsInline image 1
Attn: Andrew James Elliot Dixon
Address: Floor 13, 1001 Sauchiehall Street,Glasgow G3 7TZ,United Kingdom
Tel:
SUBJECT:OFFICIAL QUESTIONNAIRE
 
Kindly view the attached file for Official Questionnaire fill and return


We therefore anticipate your co-operation 

 
 
 
 Yours faithfully,

Mrs.  Angela Bhadmus,

For : Dr.Serge Nguessan ,
Director of Operations.
Boad  – Lome TOGO
Fax: + (228) 22 33 93 19 

Tele:+228 97902347

———————————————————————————————————————————————————————–
Banque Ouest Africaine de Développement (BOAD) TOGO. Place du petit mache , Rue Koumore Togo. This e-mail is intended only for the above addressee. It may contain privileged information. If you are not the addressee you must not copy,  distribute, disclose or use any of the information in it. If you have received it in error please delete it and immediately notify the sender. Banque Ouest Africaine de Développement (BOAD)is authorized and regulated by the Financial Services Authority and represent only the Togo Widows and Bank Of Togo Marketing Group for life assurance, pensions and investment business. Signatories to the Banking Code

With the obviously over stamped form:
QUESTIONNAIRE
Wow, its been ‘dispatched’!!
Time to do some creative artwork

I got a reply! Woo!

 

Thanks very much for you reply. I’m very happy that I gotten someone that will carry out the wishes of my late husband. Please I want you to reassure me that you will carry out the task.

Secondly you need to send to me the below details.

1. Your full names and address.
2. Telephone numbers

Finally I need a little explanation or plan on how you would handle the fund once it is released to you. Once I get your reply I shall send to you all documents involved. Please pray for me always.
Once again thanks for your reply. God bless you.

Yours in Christ,
Mrs.Judith Jones

 

Wait, what? She has changed her name! Okay, this could be a test, so lets play dumb. As much as it makes my bile rise, I will pretend to be a Christian, and to keep it consistent, I am still greedy with names, and I am still deaf.

Blessed be in the day of our lord,

My full name is Andrew James Elliot Dixon, I do not have a telephone number since god blessed me with deafness. My daily challenge will go rewarded in heaven where I will finally be able to hear music for the first time.
With regards to any monies due to me, I would offer it in good Christian Charity to my local church where it will be used to repair the roof and the bells to shelter and signal time for our worship OUR ONE LORD JESUS CHRIST.
Godspeed, Judith.
Yours in Christ,
A

Now we have a different email address to contact:

Subject: FORWARD THIS EMAIL TO THE BANK

Dear   Andrew James Elliot Dixon

Kindly forward this email below to the bank as stated below
Bank email : boadbank@email.com

====================================================

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am Andrew James Elliot Dixon, My legal representative Barrister  Akoudé Atoko informed me to contact you regarding my claim.

Here are my personal details below :

Full Name:Andrew James Elliot Dixon
Address:……………………………………. Fill in your address

Telephone: ……………………………

I am waiting for your Response .

Sincerely,

Andrew James Elliot Dixon

So I replied back to this new address:

Subject: Monies

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am Andrew James Elliot Dixon, My legal representative Barrister Akoudé Atoko informed me to contact you regarding my claim.
Here are my personal details below :

Full Name:Andrew James Elliot Dixon
Address:……………………………………. ******** Street,Glasgow G3 ***,United Kingdom
Telephone: …………………………… n/a (registered deaf)
I am waiting for your Response .

Sincerely,

Andrew James Elliot Dixon

I’m using a postal relay service for this one.. 😉

Another update (my fake name):

Dear  Andrew James Elliot Dixon

I am delighted to inform you that I have officially submitted your
name today to the bank with your forwarded information for immediate
processing of the claim hereto. I proceeded to the High Court and
secured a Letter of Claim and Representation with the information I
received from you before presenting you to the bank as the next of kin
to my late client. The bank will contact you as soon as possible for
further proceedings thus I strongly advise that you maintain constant
communication with me in this regard for necessary guideline in the
interest of our both mutual benefit.

Similarly, note that the proceeding is a sensitive matter and as such
requires utmost care and intelligence,knowing fully well that the
institution is advanced to rightly know that this case could be
manipulated so they are out for proper routine to ensure that the
deposit is released to the real next of kin which is you now
recognized by the bank. The bank might examine you in various ways to
confirm your beneficiary status by sending you messages, therefore,
any time you receive any form of correspondence such as e-mail
messages, telephone conversations etc from unknown source regarding
this claim, know that the institution is carrying out its due
verification exercise thus you should not hesitate to inform me of
such development for proper directives.

Furthermore, until you have received this deposit in your bank
account, all information regarding this transaction should be kept
intact and personal to avoid any diversion of information whatsoever
that might render our collective interest null and void.

Regards,
Akoudé Atoko Esq

I replied thusly:

Hello,

Perhaps as this is indeed a sensitive matter, and the openness that Microsoft, Google and others have with government officials, we should really try to be careful with our communications. Perhaps we should take precaution by replacing sensitive keywords with pre-agreed keywords.
I propose:
Bank = banana
Next of Kin = mushroom
finance = donkey
money = ham
attourney = princess
If you wish to add to this list, I believe now is the time to do so, and we should take the utmost care into covering ourselves in case anything gets hindered.
Best,
A