TEENAGE SATANIST
Part 2
To
describe the reactions to DL, I may have to use the old cliché, no-one
understands us. Very few people seem able to comprehend what we are about, and
I find this surprising, because I thought that there were quite a few competent
Occultists around. My expectations were too high. We produced papers to explain
matters in greater detail, and, of the many who sent for these free papers,
only six gave any indication that they had understood the concepts. The rest
uttered platitudes like “fascinating”, “enthralling”. Of all the articles that
have so far appeared in DL, the most popular was inserted for light relief,
“Teenage Satanist”. As the author, I suppose I should feel flattered that there
have been so many requests for the continuation of my story. If that’s your
level, read on. If you are one of the few looking for genuine Occultism, skip
this article. By the way, somewhere during this article, even the title
(“teenage”) ceases to be relevant.
What
brought me to Occultism in the first place, as detailed in DL1, was relevant,
and what I am doing now, as shown elsewhere in the mag, is important, but the
part in between… a history of mistakes, and there is, unfortunately, nothing
new about that.
In the early years, I had no
contact with other Occultists, but there was a well-stocked library in town and
I read everything available. Classification 133 was the main source, though
there were books vaguely relating to Occultism lurking in other sections, such
as Alternative Medicine, UFOs and Ancient History. I was aware of a deep
interest in Ancient Egypt, though I could not accept the simplistic notions of
reincarnation. But, at that time, there was no other explanation for my strange
“memories”. I read a book about the last reigns of the Eighteenth Dynasty, in
which the Pharaoh Amenhotep IV (who changed his name to Akhenaton) was
eulogised as an enlightened visionary and that Horemheb, his successor, was
called a usurper and military dictator. I was furious! I knew that Akhenaton’s
failure to face his responsibilities nearly resulted in the destruction of
Egypt; and that Horemheb was the saviour of his country, his people and his
gods. Fortunately I found some books which agreed with my view, but I could
not, at that time or for some years afterwards, find any explanation other than
the theory of reincarnation for my knowledge of and sense of involvement in
events three and a half thousand years ago.
I
studied Tarot and, when my interest in clairvoyance became known, I was invited
to do the fortune-telling at the Annual Garden Party. This drew protests from
the local clergy; fortune-telling was all right as a side-show providing it was
done by a respectable old lady who read tea-leaves. But a teenage girl with the
“Devil’s Picture Book” (yes one of them actually used that phrase!) was taboo.
One
clairvoyant incident which I remember occurred when a boy at school announced
that, the following weekend, he was taking his girlfriend to the seaside on his
motorcycle. I “knew” that they were going to be involved in a serious accident.
But what could I say? If I had warned them, they would have probably thought
that I was jealous, that I wanted to be the one taken to the seaside. So I was
too concerned with my reputation to do anything to save them. There was an
accident, from which neither would fully recover.
I
realised that being able to foresee future events (usually unpleasant
incidents) was rarely useful. I “saw” an old lady falling as she got off a bus.
I told her to be very careful, and she was quite impressed by my warning, but,
whether or not she remembered it, the accident happened; she broke her hip,
which, at her age, created a terminal condition.
Much
more interesting than clairvoyance was the apparent ability to curse. A girl
who had spread malicious gossip about me was attacked whilst on her way home
from school one dark winter’s evening. A teacher who disliked me became so ill
that she had to retire early. Although I was not on good terms with my parents,
I was careful not to ill-wish them, as their premature demise would have forced
me to live with my bigoted grandmother.
I rarely
saw my other grandmother because my parents avoided her. So I was somewhat
surprised when she invited me to visit her one day, and even more surprised when
I found out that the reason for her ostracism by the family was that she was a
Witch.
She
taught me a lot about herbs, which was quite interesting but of little use, as
herbs are not often effective. I hated getting my hands dirty in her herb
garden, but discovered a great enthusiasm for collecting and identifying
stones.
My
grandmother invited me to join her “circle” (they did not use the word coven)
and I attended a few times, but found it boring. I knew that I was searching
for something far beyond this.
I left
college and my parents’ home. In the big city, I met a High Priest of Odin, and
the relationship lasted until his death some years later. As a Priestess of the
Left Hand Path, I found nothing in Odinism which conflicted with my views, and
I soon became aware why the real Odinism and its complex theology was and still
is one of the most secretive of Occult beliefs. I had been warned not to
experiment with the Runes “just to see if they work”. They do work, very
dramatically, but of course I had to find that out for myself, and one example
was when I wanted a simple little downpour to dampen an outdoor function; the
resultant storm disrupted telephones and electricity, brought down trees and
chimneys, and caused the river to burst its banks.
After my
High Priest’s death, I drifted around for a few years, experimenting with
Occultism of various kinds and becoming disillusioned with everything. I had
for some time been in contact with a Satanist; it did not take me long to
realise that, despite his grandiloquent claims, he had no real knowledge or
power. But he was a successful conman, selling Occult “secrets” to the gullible
who thought that such abilities could be brought with money or (if female)
another form of payment. He knew that he did not have enough knowledge to
maintain the pose for very long on his own, so he suggested a partnership. It
rapidly became obvious that I could do much better without him, but, whilst I
was personally salting away quite a bit from the joint venture, I had other
things on my mind. And someone else had other plans for me.
To Be Continued
as I expect that reader will want
to know how I met my Master.
Anonymous article taken from the Dark Lily Journal No 5,
Society of Dark Lily (London 1988).